Introduction
I enjoy reciting my poems to others and have finally accepted that I have to read them from the printed page, however much I would love to recite them from memory. Funny thing this post-encephalitis life (over twenty years now) —the brain working well enough to write the words but not well enough to remember what’s been written! You’ll be pleased to know I now spend less and less time screaming at the moon and very little wallowing in the once was me. Rob, thank you for sharing this powerful piece with us! You've not only boldly articulated your personal experience, but given a voice to countless others afflicted by the same post-encephalitis challenges. To our Encephalitis411 community members, we invite you to let us know what emotions the poem evokes for you, or send in a poem of your own to [email protected]. Normal for ageGood news beamed the doc no sign of dementia
what? hasn’t he read his own referral? assess cognitive defects from encephalitis oh yes pretty well normal for age sudden memory loss normal for age? I don’t want to be normal for age I’m a chess player and he says wonderful you can still play snakes and ladders the beam shifted well that’s all good isn’t it was there anything more? And that was that you break a leg they give you a crutch you break a brain then you’re on your own if you’re normal for age and the nine year old beats you at chess and you pretend you’ve let him win but you do look normal and if another friend patronises you we’re all forgetting things at our age you’ll wring his scrawny neck within and smile happily without and retire early ‘to pursue other interests’ the job too demanding for normal for age and hear them say not pulling his weight not seeing the leaden lumbered uphill pedalling ever paddling beneath But my intellect is not me my processing speed is not me those one time overproud possessions lost to a marauding virus cerebral kenosis revealing the real me is more a seeing afresh friends family strangers that lorikeet now upside down feeding and grandma’s hundred year old lavender still blooming I laugh with you cry with you and if my jigsaw pieces keep falling out and if I get lost in once familiar streets does it really truly matter? a never expected silver lined gift of freedom thank you I say and shake hands with that old virus or go outside and scream at the silent moon or swallow the sweetened lure and wallow in the lost and once was me
11 Comments
Re -- Bob Ferguson's "Normal Age" poem. Bob, you took the words right out of my mouth. Good thing -- I'm sometimes a little slow in finding words so yours are so very welcome. Most all my words are still there, I just can't access them as quickly as my non-E peers, so your path is one I walk almost daily. Or maybe stumble is a better word. Anyway, Thank You
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Rob
6/30/2023 02:12:45 pm
Thank you Beachaven for your comment. Just knowing there are others in the same boat is helpful
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Micki
7/9/2023 11:05:01 am
Thanks…..I relate fully
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Rob
7/17/2023 05:10:26 pm
Thank you Micki. I wish you well.
Zippy
6/30/2023 10:14:50 am
Thank you for publishing this! Frustrated is not a strong enough word for how I feel being told “Within Normal Limits” after a 5 min assessment by some Dr who is just meeting me and reduces my intelligence to a score 26/30. Ha! Praying for grace and strength everyday for those struggling with the before and after people we are.
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Rob
6/30/2023 02:15:39 pm
Thank you Zippy for your comment. Yes, grace is the operative word here
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Ingrid Ronngren Guerci
7/1/2023 06:43:47 am
Rob, thank you so much for sharing this. I have stopped sharing anything about having E and its residuals to anyone who hasn't had it.. They don't know what it is like not being able to remember anything.
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Karen Travis
7/17/2023 12:45:57 pm
Everything I know but didn’t realize how much I needed this! Thank you
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Rob
7/17/2023 04:36:06 pm
Thank you for your comments Ingrid and Karen, they are much appreciated
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Thank you for the words normal for age Rob. My favorite
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Rob
7/19/2023 02:37:18 pm
Thank you Susie, 72 years! How good that you are writing and informing your doctors. Patient feedback is so important – there is only so much one can learn from a textbook.
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